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dreamsdiexxhard

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new journal [Monday @7:22pm February 18th]
new journal

Every time I want to update I end up reading through old entries and I'm tired of it. All of this is so much a part of my past, it's time to start new.
HEY (5) NEAT!

[Saturday @4:36pm September 29th]
I think I'm kidding myself.
NEAT!

[Thursday @8:00am September 27th]
I'm back to feeling like myself.

I get emotional pretty easy now, I suppose that's why I haven't been writing. It's hard to admit a lot of things to myself and at times I feel weak and stupid. But I'm out of the whole surrounding myself with people thing. It's almost harder, and all I do is ignore what's important to me.

I guess to sum up all the time I didn't update, uhm: Alex moved to New Mexico, I'm keeping myself busy with school, night school, and starting the whole applying to college thing. The work, time, and effort doesn't bother me because I have nothing else to do. Why not feel accomplished. I see graduating early as a completely positive thing and I can't wait.

I've spent atleast six dollars at Starbucks for the past eleven days. My car is on empty and I'm out of facewash. But who cares if I have to walk and my face breaks out if I'm warm and awake right.

I love the people I've gotten to know so far this year. They make a lot of my classes bearable and can hold a conversation. It's amazing.

I've seperated myself from a lot of things lately. Sometimes I know or atleast feel like it'd be easier to just go back to that, and to not caring or acting like I don't about other people's feelings and how what I do effects them. But I always know I'm kidding myself, and so far it's only come back to bite me in the ass with the same thing happening to me.
HEY (2) NEAT!

[Thursday @2:44pm July 12th]
I hate daytime tv.

My 4th of July was kind of a bust, Alex and I went out to Logan's dad's land in Lancaster for a bonfire campout type thing but they forgot to mention that to get to the place you had to walk 20min in atleast a foot of mud. So yeah, we stayed for about 30min and left.

It definitely wasn't worth fucking up my saten shoes for.Collapse )

The other day we were parked eating in my car and this guy walking down the street towards us starting walking in a circle around something. So I really wanted to see what it was and when we drove past I stopped and saw the cutest bird ever!Collapse )

And of course we went to see the new Harry Potter movie at midnight when it came out. SO GOOD. We drew on lightning bolt scars and were surprisingly not the wierdest looking people there.

Last night was Lexi's birthday partyy. It was crazy. I wish I didn't have pink eye because I would have taken lots of pictures, but oh well. About 2hrs into the party the cops showed up, and for the next two hours people were hiding and running out the garage. But we actually just stayed upstairs and chilled on a couch till it was all over and left, haha.

Alex moves to New Mexico in like 15 or so days. I hate it. No matter how much time I spend with him now it's never enough. We spend almost every minute together and it's never enough because how could it be knowing we'll only see eachother maybe once every two months for the next 9 months?

It's come so fast and I hate it.
HEY (2) NEAT!

New Pom [Sunday @12:08pm July 1st]
New Baby Pom =]Collapse )
HEY (4) NEAT!

Dad's wedding&Florida [Sunday @11:29am July 1st]
Dad's WeddingCollapse )

FloridaCollapse )
NEAT!

Gwen Stefani concert [Sunday @11:21am July 1st]
Gwen Stefani concertCollapse )
NEAT!

nose&spring break [Sunday @11:03am July 1st]
My Nosee =]Collapse )

Spring Break 07Collapse )
HEY (2) NEAT!

[Sunday @10:54am July 1st]
So since I've started to suck so bad at updating I have: gotten my nose pierced, partied over Spring Break, gone to a Gwen Stefani concert, become a junior in HS, gone to my dad's wedding, gone to Florida, gotten a pomeranian, and gone to my stepbrother's wedding.

I'll post pictures of all of it.

Other than that I'm trying to enjoy summer. It's not working out so great, but whatever.
NEAT!

[Sunday @9:07pm February 25th]
Sometimes I'm so stubborn I can't let myself get out of a bad mood, even when there's no reason to still be in it.

Or do I really have a right to be annoyed?

Maybe it's not just little, random stuff.
HEY (3) NEAT!

[Sunday @11:35am February 18th]
I really need to buy fish food.

Yesterday I pretty much spent the whole day with Alex and later on we went to Lizzah's white trash bash for her 17th birthday. Which I really wish I had pictures of, because everybody looked amazingly white trash-y.

Maybe I'll fix this later. I'm too distracted to type everything right now.
NEAT!

[Wednesday @9:36pm February 14th]
I like being surprised with roses and the biggest card ever at 7am.

NEAT!

[Saturday @6:14pm February 10th]
Last nite was hilarious/amazing.Collapse )
HEY (4) NEAT!

[Monday @4:53pm February 5th]
Saturday night in San Antonio meant staying up till 2am drinking with my sister's roommate and friends, so that was pretty cool. We played with refrigerator magnets.

Thenn I slept til 8, had an awesome breakfast at this really cool place called Star Seeds Cafe and rode in a car for four hours just to get back and go buy a chair at Target and then go to Alex's for the SuperBowl. Too bad I drank too much and fell asleep/passed out within the first 20 minutes of it. I don't remember much, or anything really, but I'd still say it was a good night.

I thought I lost my car keys but they ended up being in my car. In the ignition. When the doors were unlocked. For almost 7 hours.

I was so close to not going to school today. I shouldn't have. But whatever. I got in a racist fight and spilled my goldfish all over the floor.
NEAT!

[Friday @5:23pm February 2nd]
Going to San Antonio for the weekend and I can't wait.
NEAT!

[Thursday @8:11pm January 25th]
I want to get good sleep for once.

This whole week has been not so good and gone by slow.

I'm in another rut and it sucks.

I don't knowwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I guess you'd think I'd know how to deal by now, since I know it happens every couple of months. But every time I feel like this it's just like the last time.

Alexis' mom is moving back and I'm happy for her. She started crying when she found out. It made me miss my dad.

It's almost been 3 years.

I can't believe it.

I miss him.

Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time by not moving down there with him. Wasting the time I could be spending with him, instead of missing him.
NEAT!

[Wednesday @7:35pm January 17th]
Snow days are cool but I don't like feeling stupid.


EDIT:
Be careful about placing someone in your life so high on a pedestal that your disappointment is assured. Don't brush negative personality traits under the rug, even if you are lost in admiration. Avoidance of the truth will only prolong the inevitable. It is better to be prepared by accepting the facts than to be unpleasantly surprised later on.

Haha. Fuckk.
NEAT!

[Tuesday @7:58pm January 16th]
Things are good and things are bad and things really suck sometimes and other times I almost wish they would because they're so good they're boring but when they're really bad I'd give anything to make them right again except what I do is always what I know I shouldn't because it's just me giving in and not following through with the point I'm trying to get across by doing whatever it was that possibly made things bad in the first place but which I was only doing to hopefully make things better in the long run by turning it into some kind of lesson but it never works out that way and sometimes I really wonder why I bother but I don't want to just give up because what if someday it works, what if someday I'm finally able to follow through.

Someday.
HEY (2) NEAT!

[Monday @9:02pm January 8th]
I love being back at school. I love being busy and having things to do.

Andd I love watching Hotel Rwanda in english! 3rd favorite movie ever.

The fire alarm went off while we were watching a pasta video in culinary. Nobody wanted to go outside and it was really funny. I guess only at the time though.

I heard a lot of stuff today and thought all of it should be on that show, Kids Say the Darnedest Things.
NEAT!

[Wednesday @11:37am January 3rd]
Last night was so random.

Caitlyn and I decided to get ice cream at Sheridan's, and ended up staying there for like 45min eating ice cream outside when it was 35 degrees. I had to put a napkin under my butt because I had a hole in my pants and the chairs were freezingg.

After that we drove around aimlessly for almost 2hrs. And I actually really liked it. Everything we drove past had some kind of random memory to go with it. Except the casket store, that was just funny.

We ended up meeting up with Andy at Starbucks but it was closed. While we were there John called and invited us to The Lounge but we didn't know where it was. Then Andy heard me talking about it and said he knew where it was sooo we followed him there and met up with like 15 other people.

It's owned by a senior that goes to our school, so they don't card or anything. There were so many people there, it was crazy. You could barely see to the other side of the room because of all the smoke. We sat in a padded corner area with everybody and hung out till we had to leave at 1145.

I still suck at doing O's, but I got my first hookah buzz. Haha.

I guess I'm going to go make biscuits and watch Pride&Prejudice. I feel like baking and reading but don't really want to be at home.

I can't believe it's been a year.*
NEAT!

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